Nicole Erin is sharing her thoughts and insights about what she learned spending two years on the online dating scene. She had a lot of fun and learned a lot about people and herself but nothing about love and how to be in a relationship.
You just need a casual date, a night out, you feel bored or a free dinner? Great! Start swiping! Online dating is great for people with a lack of commitment and free of heart but not the best for a hopeless romantic and old soul.
Here is what she learned :
- Online dating is great for people who do not know how to communicate their feelings
Online dating allows people to not have a hard conversation. It is becoming hard for people to tell someone that we aren’t interested. In the online dating world people would just completely disappear or will not respond anymore if they are no longer interested or met someone new.
- You aren’t able to gain trust
When you are dating multiple people casually, it is hard to get to the state of trust. And very hard to get vulnerable. Both are essential to a long-term lasting relationship and falling in love.
- Defining a term for the date or relationship was tricky
Some people don’t even want to say date. Hang out is more acceptable. After making a couple of rounds, it gets even more tricky. Then you start treading in murky waters. Are you supposed to stop saying yes to other dates? Are they still going out with other women? And when is the right time to even ask this? And then trying to define what you are to each other. Ugh, this gives me anxiety-ridden flash-backs.
- In order to survive you must not set expectations
Expectations that they are going to respond to your text messages or even showing up for your date. She always wrote a little confirmation message or text an hour before because she didn’t want to sit at the bar and nobody shows up. Many people either did not respond to the message or said that they weren’t planning to come.
- You learn very quickly how to talk to anyone
You quickly learn to have a small talk with everyone but you will never start to really know somebody. If you start asking somebody about his dreams, desires, biggest fears, and life regrets, will put them in a cold sweat.
She was learning how to like them, not how to love them. You wil learn how to spend short periods of time doing fun things and then detaching from the experience and the individual. This is not how we find love. This is not how we develop intimacy with someone. This is not how we learn the depths of an individual. How we grow together and work through the hard times. The design of online dating is just not set up for this.
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Here Is “How online dating is hurting your chances of finding love – What I Learned From”